Supercommunicators
By Dr. Selim Erhan, TLT Editor | TLT From the Editor May 2025
A conversation can be made more effective by properly preparing for the occasion.
We are coming out of the conference season, and we are collecting our action items to follow up on the many conversations we had. There is information and samples to send, and we need to go over some of the conversations we had. We may dwell on whether we could have better conversations. Conversational exchanges are different than giving a presentation. Presentations follow a prescribed path and are usually accompanied by slides and pictures and data. Time is known and can be rehearsed until the delivery time is perfected. Conversations rarely adhere to a prescribed form. There may be interruptions, questions and background distractions. Time may be very limited. The person you want to deliver the message to, and hope they will retain it, can be tired, worried or in a hurry.
All these factors should be kept in mind. A conversation, which may look like a random event, can be made more effective by properly preparing for the occasion. For example, you can tailor the subject to the time you think you will have to deliver the message. This should be done before. Are you talking with someone in an elevator? I heard that such talks were named “elevator speeches.” The message has to be delivered in under 30 seconds. Are you talking with someone right after they have given a presentation? Or is it going to be in a noisy restaurant? What kind of questions can you ask to see if the message has gone through?
There are educational programs and courses that can prepare us to be better communicators. It is worth attending because the way we speak is not only related to the effective delivery of our message but also is part of our image. I recently came across a book by Charles Duhigg called “Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection.” Duhigg talks about how the goal of the book is to teach us to tap into our instincts that allows us to connect with others really meaningfully.
According to Duhigg, the first step is to diagnose the type of conversation you are having. There are many different types of conversations, and they tend to fall into three buckets: the social, emotional and practical. Miscommunication happens when, for example, one side starts an emotional conversation and the other side responds with a practical advice. When they are not having the same type of conversation they cannot connect.
The great advantage supercommunicators have is the ability to match their conversation to their counterpart’s mindset. This could be done by asking questions and inviting the other person to say something meaningful or repeating someone’s words to make sure you understood it right.
The book also reminds us about the importance of making sure what we take for granted in our conversations offline should also be included in conversations online, such as “please” and “thank you.”
Dr. Selim Erhan is president of Erbur Solutions in Trout Valley, Ill. You can reach him at selim.erhan251@gmail.com.